Don’t Get Caught in the Trap of What’s to Come! (February Newsletter)
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February Update
My February was FANTASTIC.
Zuma = joy
For fun, I decided to treat the two weekends that I spent in Sacramento watching my sister’s dogs as mini vacations. I went to an interesting show, ate some great meals out, and prioritized self-care… in the forms of hot yoga and relaxing on the couch and snuggling the dogs. I also traveled to Arizona to spend a weekend with family, took a weekday off to go snowboarding with minimal lines, and prioritized time outdoors during breaks from the rain.
In business, I kept with the “let’s-not-let-perfectionism-get-in-the-way” mindset I wrote about last month, and launched my first in-person group program at a local yoga studio. I also continued the TEDx application process to do a talk I’m excited about. More on both of those things below!
February also was a huge month for personal growth. I was focused on two things:
Gaining control over my mind and…
Releasing my efforts to control my life
Area 1, gaining control over my mind, felt necessary because I have lost a lot of time by giving in to distractions this year.
Over and over again I would say to myself “Hopefully this is the day we’ll stay focused while we work”. Or “Tonight I’ll be in bed by 9:30…. I hope.”
It took having someone ask me if I believed in my goals to realize that I often didn’t. I might say I was going to do something, but not really mean it. I’d bring “hopefully” energy to the table instead of “I’m going to do this, I’m committed to it, and I believe in myself”.
Now, in my best moments, I bring the latter energy to the table. When I do I’m way more effective, and I also feel a lot better because a.) I truly believe in myself and b.) I’m proud of my performance. This is a work in progress; if I’m tired, hungry, or already distracted it’s less likely to happen. But my goal is progress, not perfection.
To aid me in this progress I’ve also leaned heavily into the PQ® reps you’ve heard me talk about in newsletters past. If I want to use my phone to scroll for “just a couple minutes” I know that I have time to do two minutes of Positive Intelligence® exercises in the PQ® app. When I commit to doing them before scrolling, I often don’t scroll at all.
Focus Area 2, releasing control of HOW my life flows, requires some major re-patterning.
For most of my life I was taught that it’s best to know what you want and come up with a detailed strategy to go after it. That strategy often worked… but didn’t always feel good. And sometimes I’d find out after grinding to attain something that I was “sure” I wanted– that it wasn’t really best for me.
So I’ve been trying to let go of that and put my trust in “divine order”. I’ve been working on actively trusting that the right things will come to me at the right time in the right way. It’s taken the form of affirmation work, journaling, and talking or praying to the universe.
I want to note here that I don’t use this to stop myself from taking action. Instead, when I find myself struggling to make something work, I take a breath and ask the universe or my intuition to show me the right way. If I get rejected, I thank the universe for removing an opportunity that wasn’t for me and making way for what is. Since I’ve started doing this some great things have been coming to me. And it feels good.
I’m not perfect at this now, and I don’t know if I ever will be. Again though, it’s about progress, not perfection.
Lessons from Life
I’ve had several nights recently where I’ve been resistant to going to bed. On many a night, I’ve kept myself up late doing something unimportant or scrolling.
A few nights ago I succeeded in truly committing - in believing in my commitment to myself - that I would be in bed by 9:30 pm. This enabled me to make it to bed on time, but I still felt the resistance once I was in there. I decided to journal about it.
Allowing my thoughts to freely flow, I wrote “I don’t want to go to bed. I want to be snuggling!!! There’s no one available for me to snuggle with right now.” Although I’ve been active on dating apps since November, I still haven’t found anyone I’m interested in snuggling with. And I’ve been spending a lot of my free time thinking about what I WANT yet don’t have.
As I scribbled on, a profound realization leapt onto the page. “This is part of the process though!!! I should celebrate this. I won’t have my bed to myself for the rest of my life. But I do tonight!!! And that’s a beautiful thing!!”
I had to start laughing when I realized what I had done: I’d slipped into the common pattern of fixating on a dream or end goal, causing me to miss out on the beauty right in front of me. This is pretty natural in a society where the self-help world constantly encourages people to envision their dream lives daily and stay in constant pursuit of their dreams.
It causes folks to miss out on the present and to overlook opportunities even better than those they’ve dreamed of. It’s SO common and so problematic that I’ve been building a TEDx talk on the topic.
Yet here I was, stuck on a dream that WAS holding me back because it was keeping me from the 8 hours of sleep my body needs each night! Not only was I missing out on enjoying the part of the process I was in (like having my bed to myself), but I wasn’t supporting myself in moving the needle toward my end goal. The love of my life could be in front of me in line at the grocery store, but if I’m exhausted would I even say hi?
After having this realization, I paused to truly celebrate my experience. ‘Wow, I get this whole comfortable bed to myself. I can sleep however I want. Not everyone gets to do this!’ My mood quickly shifted to content and joyful, and I no longer felt resistant to going to sleep. I was out like a light by the end of a 10-minute guided meditation, slept amazingly, and woke up before my alarm, comfy, happy, and spread diagonally across the bed.
I received a couple of lessons out from this experience:
This was a great reminder of the power of journaling. When you’re not feeling great, consider taking out your journal and allowing all of your thoughts and feelings to flow. You may be surprised by what you’ll learn, and by how quickly your thoughts transform.
It is incredibly easy to get caught in the trap of focusing on WHAT YOU WANT instead of celebrating WHAT CURRENTLY IS. Next time you find yourself feeling unhappy, frustrated, or stuck, ask yourself what you can celebrate about your current experience, and do. Who knows… it may even move you closer to the thing you ultimately desire.
As psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler writes in A Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control, “When you focus on the process, you focus on the victories that are happening now. You focus on what’s ready to be enjoyed now. Acknowledgment gives you power because it widens your perspective, engenders positivity, and helps you broaden and build.”
I’d love to hear from you about how this resonates. How do you feel when you think about the idea of letting go of your dream life to instead focus on your current life? Share your thoughts in the comments of this blog!
News and Updates:
In-Person Group Program: Serenity Now 8-Week Glow-Up
This program empowers growth-minded individuals to overcome over-thinking and self-criticism, building the practice of presence and positivity into everyday life so they can live lives filled with joy, confidence, and inner peace. It will take place in person at the Sweetest Little Life yoga studio in Auburn, CA. We’ll meet on Mondays at 6 pm for 8 weeks starting 3/11. Please share with any friends you have in the area!
Click to learn more & join the waitlist
Free chakra cleansing Reiki/meditation:
Get it on the free meditation app, Insight Timer! Please rate the meditation if you have a great experience, and don’t forget to give me a follow!
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