I felt stuck trying to name my business. Here’s how I worked through it and regained flow.

If you’re reading this, you probably know that I’m in business startup mode (at least I am at the time of writing this on October 29, 2021).  What you might not know is that I have felt pretty much paralyzed when it comes to naming it. Stuck feels like an understatement. I’ve been ruminating since August and it the more I’ve thought about it the harder it’s gotten. Semantic satiation has crept in on more than one occasion (thank you, Ted Lasso, for helping me feel smart right there). I’ve felt like one of those pickup drivers outside of a rainy NOLA festival that thinks that of course HIS truck can make it out of the mud just to find it digging a deeper and deeper hole as everyone in the Uber line looks on and laughs.

Anyway- meditating this morning I received some clarity on the reason why and it brought up a whole bunch of thoughts and feelings that I feel called to share.  

I was afraid to name my business because it feels so permanent. 

Because there’s this little part of me that says “you have to stick with this name forever or you will be a quitter!!!! And being a quitter is bad!!!”  And it is a LOT of pressure to come up with one name that has to last forever for a business that I know will morph constantly. Because I morph constantly. And this business is nothing if not an extension of me. 

Intellectually I think we all know that this pressure is built on a false foundation.  You can absolutely change the name of your business- even Facebook did! (or is?  I haven’t been following that closely).  And it seems that our culture has started to embrace the fact that it is a good thing to let go of things that no longer serve us.  It’s normal to change careers and, at least in the communities I feel most connected to these days, people are being applauded when they exit a role or relationship that is no longer a good fit for them.  But that part of me isn’t tuned in with my intellect and it is very, very real.

I turned my attention toward this part- let’s call it Protector. 

When I was a little kid I was told, like many of you I’m sure, “don’t be a quitter”.  “You finish what you start.” etc. etc.  It was told to me with the best of intentions, and in many cases it was great advice.  I love and appreciate those who spoke those words to me.  I know that they were looking out for my best interest. The problem is that Protector took it a little too seriously. He decided:

“You must stick with your commitments forever or you will be a failure. Nobody loves a failure, so you'll probably have to spend the rest of your life alone. And I'm not going to let that happen!!”

I understand that this is probably pretty confusing for friends and family who have sat with me while I tried to order lunch (I’m getting way better at that, by the way) or been convinced by me that the best gift ever would be full catcher’s or sparring gear just to have me decide weeks later that I’m afraid of bats or don’t like being kicked in the face.  Sorry for that, fam.  Protector only comes out sometimes, and the last few months have been one of those times.  Other notable times were in college, when I wasn’t really interested in chemical engineering anymore but “knew” I had to finish my degree.  And in the roles I mostly hated at my last company (2 out of 4) because of course I was going to be an engineer in the oil industry my whole life.  I mean…I made that decision in my 20’s so of course I had to stick with it until retirement.  Protector eventually stood to the side on that one, but not until we went through a global pandemic.  I digress.  Back to this morning:

Now that I was aware of Protector it was time to turn my attention toward him.  To see this part of me for all that it is: a very loving, caring part.  One that wants to make sure I stay safe, which means being accepted by society and by the loved ones who told me I must not quit.  A part that has done so much for me.  College would have been a whole lot harder if I had changed majors four times.  And I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t spent those 7 years as an engineer. I held Protector’s hand in my mind’s eye and gave him my love and appreciation. 

I thanked him for always looking out for me and for getting me to where I am today.

I sat with him for a few minutes and felt that love and appreciation before trying to help him understand that the best way for him to protect me now is to step aside. To allow me to make decisions, even though I might change my mind later.  Even though I probably will change my mind later!  Because I have the resources now to continue to love myself even if a few people do try to tear me down when that happens (unlikely I know, but I’m trying to get his buy-in at this point).  The best thing I can do now, for myself and others, is to move forward with my business, and for that I need a name.  I asked if he would please step aside and he agreed to do so.

I’d love to tell you that as soon as he did I saw a golden light descend down from my ceiling with the name written in stone.  In reality, names were bouncing in and out of my mind before I even finished up with the Protector and I had to keep reminding myself to come back to him (sometimes after writing them down).  He deserved it, after all of the love it has shown me throughout my life.  And I still don’t know exactly what my business name will be but I feel a lightness now when I think about it, and am excited to engage with my community around it.  That heaviness I’ve been feeling for the last few months is gone.

Update: Nov 4, 2021

I named my business, guys!!! And I’m super pumped about it. I’m calling it Bara Co, which means a lot to me. My name, Bara, means “to choose” (at least, according to the baby book my parents used and their intention). And yeah, I’m starting a company, but the Co is about so much more than that. It’s about my (and my co’s) highest values: Connection. Compassion. Conscious Awareness. That’s what Bara Co means: Choose Connection. Choose Compassion. Choose Conscious Awareness. And one way to do that is through working with me.

Now I’d love to tell you that this is what led me to developing the Get Unstuck Sessions that I just rolled out.

…That I saw this need in myself so I put my engineering mind to work to fill it. The truth is that it was all subconscious and I didn’t realize what happened until my mentor mirrored it back to me today. Because sometimes, no matter how conscious or aware we think we are, we need someone else to help us see the truth.

Don’t get me wrong, I was never doing this alone.

I have a ton of gratitude for my friends, family, physical therapist, and occasional Uber driver that helped me mull over the name. None of us knew at the time though that what I was asking for wasn’t what I actually needed. I didn’t need them to come up with the perfect name or tell me if my ideas were good enough. What I needed to be given was the question I eventually asked myself in meditation that morning: why was I blocked when it came to naming my business? Often times simple reflection and the space to do it is all it takes to Get Unstuck.