I wrote this on my birthday. It’s more like a journal entry, so quite different and less edited than my usual blogs, but it still felt worth sharing! Enjoy!!

It’s my 35th birthday and I am feeling good!

*Arguably the most exciting moment of my birthday*

Pretty good. Energetically I still feel a little weird, after first testing positive for Covid 12 days ago. But my heart is very open, after the crystal healing and cacao ceremony I’ve given myself this morning. And to me, that’s what matters the most.

The last 12 days have been pretty trying. This year I discovered that I REALLY love my alone time, but not 12-days-with-no-human-contact-much. I’ve questioned if I was losing my sanity on multiple occasions. It did give me a lot of time to think, feel, and reflect though. Things that I love to do, especially around the anniversary of my birth.

One thing that is very clear to me is that this last year was my best one yet. I know I say that a lot, so with all of my extra time I decided to reflect on if that was really true. Is my life really getting better every year? For the last several years at least, it has been, and here’s why:

I’ve started keeping much better company.

I don’t mean the actual individuals I hang out with, although that has played a role. My sense of community at home in Hermosa Beach is greater than it ever has been before. And this last year has brought some really wonderful people into my life: friends, mentors, and teachers. But so have years past, and I missed a lot of those people this year.

What has gotten so much better are my relationships with the people I hang out with the most: myself (the one typing this right now) and my roommate.

I don’t mean roommate in the traditional sense of the word. (I learned a while ago that I don’t “live well with others”.) I mean the voice that comes with me everywhere I go, narrating just about every move I make. (Let’s pause for a moment of gratitude for Michael A. Sanger, whose book The Untethered Soul:The Journey Beyond Yourself provided me with language that makes it much easier to see this narrator as something outside of myself.)

My relationship with my roommate has grown much better over the last year. They still talk more than I’d like them to, but much less than they did. When they start bothering me I tend to notice pretty quickly, and I’m firm with my boundaries when I ask them to shut up.

With space from my roommate’s annoying habits, I’m able to appreciate their cute ones.

*I brought all these books to the bathtub last week. I read a few pages of one.*

Like when they sneak by me and plan for EVERY possible scenario. Usually I notice and ask them not to spoil the surprise. Yesterday though, they had me pack a backpack of books to take to the pool–about 30 feet from the room I was packing in. When I noticed what happened we shared a good giggle. (Then I still took all of the books out to the pool, but hey, at least I understood my motivation behind doing so.)

Our improved relationship has carried over to benefit my experience with the rest of my self. My awareness of that narrator has made it easier to identify the underlying, harmful beliefs that result in it acting up.

Beliefs like: I am not enough. I can only do so much. I’m stuck on a certain timeline; it’s too soon for me to have a successful business. I need the career before the relationship. Etc.

That awareness is huge, because it invites me to implement the tools I’ve put so much work into developing and release those beliefs. Bye bye, “I am not enough”. I know you were trying to protect me but I don’t need you anymore. I have replaced you with “I am plenty”.

Back to my 35 years on this earth: this birthday sure feels like a milestone. It’s the age my mother was when she had me, which means I’m half of her age now. My mom is incredibly wise, and I’m fortunate in that some of her ways of thinking have rubbed off on me. Now I’d like to share some of my key takeaways with you.

35 of My Favorite Lessons From the Last 35 Years

Broken into 5 categories.

Lessons on Coexisting With Others

1. Receiving allows others the gift of giving. If someone offers you something and you want it, accept it!!! It’s better for both of you.

2. “Everyone is good. Everyone is hurt.” - Nanci Luna Jimenz [link LJIST.com] We have ALL suffered from oppression and we’re all oppressing others but we CAN shift that.

Toddler Bara has her arm around a little boy toddler. Bara's mouth is stretched wide as if she's clearly been told to smile. Her hair is messy and she's wearing a long sleeve sweater in spring colors with a bow drawn on it, atop a matching skirt. — *Even on my worst days… how can I or anyone else not love little toddler Bara?!!*

3. If you look deep enough, there is a loving, scared kid inside of every human on this planet. The world is a better place when we treat those kids with love and kindness. (And it’s easier to deal with our upset parents when we pretend they’re angry little toddlers.)

4. You can’t change anyone’s mind by demanding they change their mind. Truly listen to them and respond to the needs and feelings that are really there…. and their mind may actually change.

5. It’s actually a great gift, for both you and the other person involved, to walk away from a relationship that isn’t serving you anymore. (Not that that makes it easy.)

6. Unsolicited advice is annoying AF. Always ask for consent before giving it!!! And like maybe start with actually listening instead of trying to jump into fixing someone else’s problems

7. Some people may not be ready to receive you, and that’s ok. And it may be healthier for both of you to stop trying to show them your full self before they’re ready.

Facts That Excite Me

*2009 Bara, over taking photos and ready to see some whales! (Victoria, BC)*

8. Orcas name their young!!! And humans have identified and understand several orca words. (There’s nothing deep to this one, it’s just a fact that makes me really happy.)

9. There is zero reason animals need to die for me to live…including vanity. My arms look just as good as they did when I ate chicken like 4 times a day.

10. You can extend or bring back to life carrots, celery, and even spinach by storing them in water

Lessons on Emotions and Intuition

11. Our minds are actually PRETTY DUMB compared to the rest of us. It’s been really hard for me to internalize this after investing 6.5 years of my life in higher education. It’s true though: our minds have such a limited source of data to work from (all that we’ve personally experienced, seen, or read). Intuition is really where it’s at, since it has access to everyone and everything.

12. Most of our emotional protective mechanisms hurt more than help… and the pain of getting hurt is SO WORTH the love, freedom, and joy that comes from having an open heart.

13. When it “feels like” I shouldn’t do something, I shouldn’t do it, no matter how much sense it makes. And if my gut says I should I usually should, even if my brain says I shouldn’t.

14. Loving one’s self is an acquired skill that takes effort and practice… and is totally totally worth it. It allows us to love others more, too.

Lessons on Identity and the Like

15. We’re not so great at seeing the best parts of ourselves. Outside reflections can really help!

16. We get to choose how we identify!!!! (Not that it’s easy. For help shifting your identity, ask me about transformational life coaching or check out the free workbook that helps you discover and reshape your identity.)

17. The binary is BULLSHIT. Except with like code and circuits and, well…. stuff I have no desire to work with

18. There are a bajillion ways to do something: your best way will likely be unique to you (learned after trying to follow a bajillion experts and finding that none of their ways quite worked for me).

19. Changing your mind is a sign of growing, not failing.

20. F* other people’s timelines. We get to create our own stories, and we have the power to create anything.

21. Every single one of us is the ONLY one just like us. We shouldn’t allow others’ projections about who we should be or how we should act influence who we are.

22. Every so often, I need a dose of live country music to reset and replenish my soul. (What’s your version of my live country music? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!!)

Lessons on Life in General

23. Substances actually take away from most experiences.

24. Some of the worst things that ever happen to you will turn into some of the best things that ever happened to you.

25. There is nothing noble about not accepting help.

26. Washing dishes (or doing any other chore) doesn’t suck. Wishing you were doing something else while you’re doing dishes… that makes the experience suck. But it’s in our power to change that pattern!!

*Hanukkah 2020. My little fam had just grown by 1!*

27. Stuffed animals make great friends.

28. America is pretty great compared to a lot of places! It also has the potential to be SO much better. We should never stop trying to make it better.

29. There is no separation between your future self and the version of you that exists RIGHT now. Every quality you want to have someday…you already have.

30. The groups/communities that hurt people the most are those that seem inclusive on paper but really aren’t.

31. If you lose almost all of your photos and videos in a house fire, you’ll get over it. But you’ll never get a redo of the moments you were so focused on capturing. (So like maybe put down your phone at the concert, especially if you’re standing in front of me, please?)

32. We’re all way more powerful than we’ll ever know.

33. Meditation isn’t the dumb waste of time I thought it was when I was younger. It actually has a way of creating time, because it reduces “wasted time” by a LOT.

34. Life is better when we quit trying to force the outcome and give ourselves the freedom to experience it as it happens

35. There is more power in not knowing than there is in knowing.

Unfamiliar with my work? Hi! I’m Bara. I’m a transformational life coach. I help people overcome their patterns, insecurities, and fears so they can feel confident and intentional in their lives and careers. If you’re tired of feeling stuck, book a free discovery call to discover how I can support you today. (Link in bio)

Happy Birthday to Me! 35 Favorite Lessons from 35 Years on This Earth