Every Change Matters: Why We Need to Honor Even the Most Exciting Transitions
Have you ever felt weird after something in your life changed for the better?
Like… you know you should be happy, but you don’t feel that happy?
Or you get a fluttery, anxiety-like sensation in your chest, even though you don't think you have anything to be anxious about?
Or you feel sort of lonely, even though you know you’re not?
Everything I’m about to say here applies to the hard changes as much as the good ones.
But I’m going to focus on the good ones, because they have a greater tendency to get overlooked. After all, people expect us to be sad after we get an unpleasant health diagnosis or go through a breakup. We’re expected to feel lonely, and a sense of loss when our company up and forces us to move to Midland, Texas.
But no one told us to expect to feel uncomfortable and vulnerable after we got that job we really wanted. Or a nagging, sinking sensation after entering into an amazing relationship with a wonderful person. Or to feel sad, lonely, or maybe even depressed when we move into that bigger, better house… or move somewhere we know we’d rather be.
These feelings are totally normal though. That’s because every single change involves loss. Whether it’s a change we’ve been dreading or desiring, once it happens our life is no longer the way it was before. That life is gone, often forever.
If we identify closely with the thing that changed, we even lose the person we were before! And we were most likely comfortable with that person. Even if they were a total d*bag, we got used to having them around. So it’s natural that we’ll miss them at first. If you’ve ever been the one to end a relationship, you might be familiar with this feeling. You can be glad that someone isn’t part of your life anymore and also incredibly lonely without them there.
When looking at it from this perspective, it seems pretty obvious that change is a big f*ing deal. And when something is a big deal, we should honor it, not ignore it. We should embrace it, so we can move on.
What qualifies as a change worth honoring?
I see 3 distinct categories of changes we should honor.
1. If it’s a big change, we definitely want to honor it. Big changes include: moves, career changes, shifts in our health, relationship, or family status, etc. And identity changes, like sexual identity, gender, or professional identity.
2. We should also honor “small changes” that we have big reactions to. If we start feeling weird or our behavior shifts after something in our life changes, there’s a good chance that those things are linked. Even if our brain tries to tell us that the change we just experienced shouldn’t be a big deal.
Reactions to watch out for include:
Sleep changes, including a resistance to going to bed
Changes to what or how much you’re eating
Increased use of alcohol or other substances
A shorter temper/becoming more reactive to others
Digestion changes
A shift in your emotions including anxiety, anger, or depression
Literally anything that changes or feels weird… this list is not exhaustive
Changes that might fall into this category could be small moves or “upgrades”, diet changes, or anything that we think of as a “positive” change. The mind will probably try to convince us that our reaction isn’t from the change. “We moved into a better house! We shouldn’t be upset about that. We’re just drinking more because it’s summer”... (etc.) Don’t give the mind too much credit though. It has been conditioned by a lifetime of bad advice from a misguided society.
3. Often overlooked, but very important changes are when people we care about or who play a major role in our lives go through any of the above. When a loved one goes through a big change it is almost inevitable that our relationship with them will change too. And that is definitely something worth honoring.
How do we honor change so we can move on from it?
I’m not going to get into it much here because I have a FREE 3-step guide that walks you through my whole process! Get the guide to embracing change.
This process was born out of the discomfort I felt when I decided I was done being an engineer. It worked great for that, and has helped others with medical uncertainty and moves. Now I even use it sometimes after I experience a big shift with energy work, like after releasing limiting beliefs.
I don’t believe that there’s any change too big or small for this–but for really big or emotionally difficult changes you might not want to go through it alone. I love providing that support to my clients as a transformational life coach. Other great sources for it are therapists and friends who are good at listening, vs. trying to fix everything. Embracing change takes much more than just being reminded that it’s ok.
New to my work?
Hi! I’m Bara. I’m a transformational life coach and speaker, and I’ve been through a lot of change myself. Changes like big moves, identity shifts, and leaving my engineering career to become an entrepreneur, something I never thought I’d do. That last shift is when I started actually honoring the changes I go through. It’s been a transformational process and I’m grateful for an outlet to share it with others!
As a transformational life coach I help others overcome the patterns and beliefs keeping them stuck. Are you ready to take your life or career to the next level? You can learn more about my coaching style or book a free discovery call to discuss how I can support you today.
