Birthday Reflections: 50 Things I Learned During My Latest Lap Around the Sun
In honor of my birthday last week, I took some time to reflect on the greatest things I learned (or was reminded of) during this last year.
I got it down to 50 things. I’ve shared them below with limited editing, because editing was not how I wanted to spend my birthday week 😆 Some of these are personal, but I’m guessing that many might be relevant to your life. Give it a read and share your reflections in the comments!
I severely underestimate myself (we all do). If I feel driven to do something I will be able to execute. There’s no need for self doubt.
Fear is an amazing teacher. Instead of ignoring it and telling it to shut up, there can be a lot of value in asking why it’s there.
My perceptions of other people’s perceptions of me are wildly inaccurate (this tends to be true for most people 😬)
Positivity is a skill, and therefore it’s something that anyone can develop. It takes practice… and it’s incredibly worth it.
Seeing my inner Judge and other Saboteurs (like the Controller, Restless, Stickler, and Avoider) as elements outside of me makes it wayyyy easier to separate from them and have them stop messing with your life (for example, if I notice my mind making a judgment about someone and say “there goes my Judge” it snaps me out of that judgment mode and feels a whole lot better than if I say “I’m being judgmental”.
On that note, I’ve got a super active Controller. It tries to convince me that I know best and can make lives better (including my own) if I teach people the “best” way to do things. But listening to that voice hurts my relationships and takes autonomy away from the people I’d like to help. (Plus, *gasp* it isn’t always correct.)
I can shut the Controller and my Judge down pretty easily. I just have to recognize that they’re messing with me and focus on my physical senses. Sometimes it just takes 10 seconds.
I get a ton of value out of committing to daily practice for short periods of time (1-3 months).
I’m way more likely to stick to something if I start my habit with small doses (2 minute practice periods for a total of 15 minutes a day; 1 line a day in my journal, etc.) I’ll probably usually exceed that goal, but making the goal super manageable makes me more likely to stick with it.
You can always spare 10 seconds (about 3 breaths) to ground or focus yourself, and sometimes that’s all it takes.
What’s right for one person isn’t always right for someone else
Lots of things that are right for other people or considered “normal” aren’t ideal for me. I’m a pretty unique being. (Most of us are.)
I don’t have to just sit silently and focus on my breath or body to get the most out of my morning meditation practice. I can actually get more out of it if I switch between different senses; sometimes focusing on the breath, sometimes on sounds, sometimes on touch, maybe back to the breath, etc.
I am incredibly supported and well connected.
I can do a lot more on my own than I think. It’s nice to know that I have support, but I don’t always need to use it. It can feel more special to manage something on my own.
That said, I enjoy life and work best in partnership. It was incredibly validating to hear this in my first astrology reading.
Astrology readings (with the right person, like Léa Moret) are not at all a silly waste of money - IF you choose to experience it with an open mind.
When learning from someone else or having any sort of energy work or readings done it’s usually best to “take what resonates, and consider revisiting what doesn’t” EVEN if they don’t say that. (Léa did.)
I have zero interest in surface level friendships and limited energy for small talk. Activity partners are nice for occasions; but if we’re not going to talk about our fears and desires I probably won’t be interested in spending a significant quantity of time together. And that’s ok.
There is no separation between anyone and anything. This moment isn’t separate from any that have come before, or any that will be.
I’d rather enjoy every last minute I have with a person or a place, than look for imperfections to make it easier to say goodbye.
It’s important for me to surround myself with positive people. If I start spending a bunch of time with a pessimist, there’s a good chance I’ll start looking for negative things to share with them. That brings my whole mood down.
What I watch and read can really affect my mood. Watching dramatic, negative, or sad tv or movies will bring down my vibe the next day (or longer). If I choose to do it anyway I’ll benefit from following it up with an episode of Queer Eye, Ted Lasso, or another positive option.
Listening to Taylor Swift on repeat for extended periods of time isn’t good for my mental health… but I’m still going to do it sometimes🤷 When I start to notice my mood suffering, if I shift to listening to something more positive I’ll be grateful that I did.
Drinking alcohol can have a negative effect on my mood for days.
Not drinking booze is like THE greatest lifehack EVER. If I decide not to drink at an event I never regret it. I get to be more present because I’m not chasing the perfect level of intoxication, I can get just as silly and fun, and I save a ton of money. Plus I’m less likely to find myself on a terrible date the next week because “they seemed great” when I was drinking.
It’s way easier to skip the booze around people who are drinking if I have a nonalcoholic drink that feels “special”. Nonalcoholic beer basically makes me feel like I’m drinking a real beer. If a bar doesn’t have a mocktail menu then a virgin moscow mule (asking them to sub club soda for vodka) is a perfect sub for me, as is a club soda with pineapple juice (which will often be free).
It’s true what they say about habits being easier to develop when you form an identity that supports them first. I used to waste a lot of time deciding if I should drink or not, until I decided to just “identify as someone who doesn’t really drink”.
Once you start a streak with a habit, there’s an intrinsic motivation to want to maintain it. After a couple months of not drinking, when I consider having one I always question if I want to break my streak… and for the last couple months the answer has been no.
I really like hot yoga. There’s something special about sweating everything out. And I feel very accomplished when I make it to the end of the class.
You get what you expect. If you expect an experience to be horrible, or hard, it probably will feel that way. It’s worth taking 5 minutes to sit with yourself and shift your expectations before embarking on whatever it is.
FOMO (fear of missing out) IS a type of fear. If you do something just because you’re afraid of what you’ll miss out on if you don’t, you probably won’t have the best experience. It’s ok to let FOMO push you toward experiences sometimes, but you’ll get way more out of them if you pause to sift your energy to how you DO want to feel instead of how you DON’T want to feel (I have a whole blog on how this messed with of the greatest experiences of my life which you can read here.)
Giving up control of my life and embracing not knowing the outcome has been INCREDIBLY rewarding, even though it was scary AF. It’s not my default setting yet, but I’m working to change that.
If I want to feel happier all I have to do is listen to happy music. (It might not put me in a great mood, but it will make it at least a little better!!!)
What my dad thinks about me doesn’t matter. I don’t even need him to like me. Internalizing this and letting go of my desire for him to make me made my life - AND OUR RELATIONSHIP - so much better.
I am SO much more powerful than I know. I think this goes for all of us.
Little moments of joy add up, and it’s really easy to input 10 seconds of joy into your day. Pausing to make a funny face in the mirror or doing a silly little dance while you’re walking along can change the trajectory of your entire day for the better.
Your mind might try to convince you that you don’t really want “the thing” (ex: job, speaking gig, relationship, etc.) when you get close to attaining it. That doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t truly want it. Your subconscious may just be trying to protect you in case said “thing” doesn’t work out. It might think it’s easier to push it away… but it’s wrong. If you want the thing, go after the thing. Trying and failing will ultimately feel better than not trying at all.
You’re very unlikely to change someone’s mind by telling them why they’re wrong. But they might change their mind if you are genuinely curious and try to understand why they feel the way they feel.
As much as I’d love to believe that I don’t care what other people think about me, sometimes my perceptions of other people’s opinions still hold me back. And the stories I make up about what other people are thinking are often much worse than their thoughts actually are.
My mind might try to overplan for every scenario. But it’s not a good use of time. At best, it has the potential to ruin the surprise. When I catch that happening I can improve my life by focusing on the sensation of my feet on the ground and bringing myself back to the present.
Focusing for extended periods of time is hard. Focusing for 10-20 minutes and then allowing myself to take a break is easy. I often won’t even want the break when it comes; but the permission to take one can be very impactful.
Your potential is most limited by what you think your potential is. You are not the person you were yesterday. You’re stronger, more educated, and you have more practice. Your greatest limitation to who you can become is your expectation of who you may become. Do not limit yourself. Do not play small. If you tell yourself you can’t, you won’t.
Nonviolent communication “aka compassionate communication” is so powerful. And it’s going to take a lot of practice until it becomes natural. Having a study buddy helps!
Small changes can have a BIG impact. For instance, changing the angle of my couch made me feel more comfortable in my space, and was all I needed to do to break the habit of watching mindless tv.
There’s so much that we don’t try because we don’t think we‘re capable. But we’ll never know if we can do it unless we try. (This reflection was provided to me by a yoga instructor after I succeeded at an arm balance I didn’t think I was capable of. And it was right on.)
Don’t run away from what you don’t want. It’s way more effective to walk intentionally toward what you DO want.
If you ask for what you want you’re way more likely to get it than if you leave people guessing
I’m susceptible to limiting beliefs just like everyone else
Physical tension is a good thing: it alerts you that your body or soul needs tending to. It will likely dissipate once you give yourself that attention.
That’s all I’ve got! What did you think? I’d love to hear your reflections in the comments!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi! I’m Bara. I’m a transformational life coach and speaker. I help people transcend limiting beliefs, master the art of transforming negative thoughts & emotions, and make happiness a habit. If you’ve read all the books and put in the effort but still don’t have the joy, confidence, and inner peace you crave, let's chat!
