FOMO Almost Ruined One of the Best Days of My Life. Don't Let That Happen to You
Last October I embarked on what I knew would be the greatest adventure (thus far) of my adult life. I was going to paddleboard into lower Antelope Canyon, alone.
A no-filter photo from my paddle in
While this didn’t feel dangerous to me, the adventure level felt huge. From what I read it would require about 1.5-2 hours of paddling each way. I’d be using my inflatable stand-up paddleboard, which had the (remote) possibility of springing a leak. I’d only taken it out alone once, and had never actively paddled for more than an hour. There would be over an hour of hiking between the two big paddles. I was tent camping before and after, and, again, I was going to be alone.
I hadn’t experienced much solo travel when I planned this adventure, but I knew that this was how I wanted to experience Antelope Canyon for the first time. In silence, from the water. Nothing distracting me from the magnificence that stood before me. I’ve wanted to visit since the first photo I saw.
I'd never done anything that extreme, much less on my own, so I prepared. I spent the weeks leading up to the trip paddling 2-3 times a week and made sure my body was capable of paddling for 2 hours straight. I wore a floatation device around my waist and packed plenty of water and food.
My expectations were high, with good reason.
I was surprised by how easy it was to paddle in, and blown away by the beauty both on the paddle and the hike. It truly felt like I was alone most of the time, something I desired but didn't expect.
As wonderful as it was having the place to myself at first, that became a source of anxiety when I came upon this ladder.
Dun dun dun dun…..
As an engineer, it was drilled into my head that one should never climb a leaning ladder without a second person stabilizing it. And when I grabbed some rungs to check it for sturdiness, I understood why. The creaks echoed through the canyon.
My heart jumped and my body got shaky. If the ladder tipped while I was climbing it I could probably handle that. But what if the ladder fell as I was climbing off, and I got stuck on the other side?
I did the math on the number of boards and kayaks I saw docked vs. the number of people I saw walking out. There must be people on the other side… but what if my numbers were way wrong, or there was a secret pathway I somehow missed and those people were gathered in another part of the canyon? And what if, by some freak circumstance, no one else came to visit this extremely popular canyon all afternoon? I didn’t pack warm enough to survive overnight. Logic was out the window. I was in straight-up survival mode.
I decided that it wasn’t safe to travel over the ladder alone, despite not wanting to miss out on what was on the other side. Disappointed, I turned around and headed back toward a great lunch spot I had spotted along the way.
The glimpse I got of the other side was fine!
Within minutes a couple passed me, on their way to the ladder. While I’m normally cheery and welcoming when I pass folks on the trail, I kept my head down, ashamed. I saw myself missing out on the wonderful experience they were probably having on the other side. And I realized that with them on the other side, I could explore further without putting myself in danger. Even if no one else entered the canyon all day, they would be there. I could exit when they did and make sure I wouldn’t get stuck up there alone. I didn’t want to miss out, and now I knew I didn’t have to in order to stay safe.
The mature thing to do would have been to turn around immediately and greet them before they climbed up. But I was in little kid survival mode, wishing my mom was around to keep me safe. So I did what little Bara would do: hid around the corner until the creaking and their voices disappeared.
While I was still nervous about the ladder, I was more afraid of missing out on what was on the other side. I wanted to stay close to the couple, so I scrambled over. Disregarding the discomfort; it felt like my stomach was caught in my throat. And unaware that my motivation for climbing the ladder wasn’t a good one. My motivation was fear. Fear of missing out, or in other words, a lack mindset, is what I was taking with me to the other side.
As soon as I was off the ladder I was hiking again, but I wasn’t appreciating the beauty of the canyon. I paused, took a few deep breaths to shake the anxiety, and resumed my course. I had to repeat this over and over again throughout that hike. I’d catch myself fearfully thinking about the return trip down the ladder, breathe and return to the present, find myself in another state of near panic, and repeat the vicious cycle over again. That portion of the canyon was gorgeous, but I wasn’t enjoying it for more than a couple of minutes at a time.
My turnaround point
I continued, passing several people enjoying their lunch until the canyon narrowed to the point that it might not be safe for one person to navigate alone. I turned around to make my way back to that terrifying ladder. I was disappointed in myself. This was supposed to be one of the most exciting adventures of my life, and it WAS, but I wasn’t enjoying it. I kept tripping out about how scary it would be to climb down that damn ladder.
I thought that once I got down that ladder I’d be back to enjoying my day, but I was wrong.
The descent wound up being easy. I approached it at the same time as another couple and they stabilized the ladder for me. The trip down felt infinitely more secure than the climb up. But as I returned to hiking, the anxiety was still overtaking my body. I was shaky and it felt like my heart might beat out of my chest. Hoping food would help, I paused for lunch.
Another bonus of running into the 2nd couple: getting a non-selfie of me in the slot canyon
As I chowed down on my sandwich in a little fishbowl in the rock, it hit me. OF COURSE I experienced a fuckton of fear on the other side of that ladder. A negative emotion (in this case, FOMO, or fear of missing out) is what drove me up it. I brought fear to the other side, so more fear is what I got. The law of attraction in action, used in the worst possible way.
I’d love to say that I returned to presence once I had that realization. The anxiety dissipated (with the help of more diaphragmatic breathing) and I improved my mood (by humming to myself) but couldn’t stop writing this story in my head. I paused to record myself telling it on video, releasing it from my mind. After saying it out loud, my sense of presence returned. I enjoyed the remainder of the gorgeous hike and the difficult paddle back. Including the swimming I did on the way, especially the dip within Antelope Canyon itself!
This experience taught me what now seems obvious: you should never allow FOMO (or any sort of negative emotion or mindset) to drive your behavior.
This does not mean that we should never do things that we’re afraid of. Quite the contrary, I believe that pushing beyond our comfort zone is essential for growth (and therefore for living your best life). Sometimes the best opportunities lie on the other side of the proverbial ladder.
To get the most out of an experience though, you want the primary emotions you take into it to be positive ones. I wasn’t driven up that ladder by excitement or by curiosity. Had those emotions accompanied my fear about the ladder, I may have still been nervous but likely would have had a good time. I would have brought positive emotions into the experience. Instead, I went up the ladder because I was afraid of missing out on what others got to experience. Whether you call that fear or a lack mindset, it was yucky and only piled on to the nervousness I had about the ladder itself.
How can you feel positive when you’re afraid?
I believe there are two key elements to this:
Calm your nervous system so it isn’t overtaken by fear.
Bring your attention to emotions you do want to feel, such as excitement, a sense of adventure, or pure unadulterated presence.
Let’s rewrite my situation in Antelope Canyon as an example. (There can be a lot of power in rewriting past experiences):
After a couple ascended the ladder while I was hiding around the corner, I knew that I wasn’t in danger of getting stuck on the other side alone. I was still scared but didn’t want to miss out on what was on the other side. Although I was tempted to scramble up right behind the couple, closing the distance between us, I knew it was more important to shift out of fight-or-flight mode. I took some slow, deep belly breaths to activate my vagus nerve and the relaxation response of my parasympathetic nervous system.
That calmed me significantly. I no longer felt panicked, but I was still a little scared. And I still didn’t want to miss out on what was on the other side. Using the voice in my head I asked myself “do I really want to go over there, or am I just afraid of missing out on part of this adventure?” My answer was that I DID want to experience what was on the other side. My adventure wasn’t done, and I may never get this chance again!
I became excited to see what was over there. I brought that excitement with me as I climbed the ladder, which squeaked and creaked with every step. I felt a little shaky when I got off so I paused for three more deep belly breaths. This calmed me and allowed me to truly appreciate the beauty of the incredible space I was in. I resumed my hike, appreciating the beauty of the canyon with every step. Eventually, it became so narrow that I decided it was unsafe to proceed on my own, so I turned around and enjoyed my journey going in the other direction.
That sounds like a way better experience, right?!!
I invite you, now, to pause and reflect. Have you ever done something because you were afraid to miss out and then it turned out disappointing, or you were unable to enjoy the experience because you were driven by fear? If so, can you rewrite your own story now, bringing more positive emotions into the situation? How much better does that feel? Remember this next time you’re getting ready to do something because you’re afraid of missing out. Pause to shift your mindset, and I bet you'll enjoy that thing much more.
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Hi! I’m Bara. I’m a transformational life coach. I help people become thrilled with their lives - fast - using energy healing to accelerate my process. Learn more about my coaching style or request a free discovery call today!
